Yes, you …

“You entered my life like a gentle sigh, like a quiet breeze blowing softly through the leaves. You were a stranger first, one who laughed freely and easily, who spoke of minor intimacies and common grounds, who made me feel strangely liked and valued. You became my friend, no longer a stranger, trusting me with secrets hidden, confiding what you liked and hated. We talked and laughed and, as time passed by, I grew more and more dependent upon your smile. From strangers to friends was just a baby step, a step a thousand others take every day. Without your trust and trusting ways, without your smiles and encouraging gaze, I would never have taken the step beyond. But the gentle breeze blowing through the leaves is relentless and never ending. We became closer friends, and closer still, until much of my life was centered around the times we spent together. We traveled far along the path of friendship, avoiding the bumps somehow, never stumbling, always in step with one another. You were my guide, my eyes and ears, the unfailing light that lit the road before us. Hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, you brought me along our course, to a destination I had never seen before. You became my best friend along that journey, the anchor in my life where none had ever been. You did a good job of guiding our steps, a job no other could ever do, and it wasn’t your fault, really, when I stumbled. Somewhere along our path, perhaps where the heights were making me dizzy with joy, I simply lost my balance and fell. By the grace of God, I fell not to either side, nor to the rear, but fell instead forward, along the path we’d tread. My plunge forward was unguided, and my steps were steps you never intended. I fell in love with you. From strangers, to friends, to close friends, to best friends. And beyond. I’ve never been sorry for any step we’ve taken together, no, not even for the fall I took alone. I never knew, before knowing you, how empty my life had been. I thought I was happy. I thought I was successful. I thought I had known love and all that love can bring. But the gentle breeze, blowing softly through the leaves, carries the smell of wild flowers and still wilder beasts, and what you brought into my life can never be assessed. We are so very different, you and I. And yet so much the same. And our differences merge with our similarities, giving rise to something special and unique. We talk. Of all the things I value about this thing that is us, and there are so many I often lose count, I value most the way we talk about any thing any time any where. And each time I listen to you, each time I ponder what you’ve said, I learn something new. About you. About me. About the world. I’ve learned to trust in your instincts. I love the vitality and zest that is so much a part of you. I never would have believed the breeze, blowing softly through the leaves, could be so filled with life. I treasure that spark of spirit in you, that flashing flare of fire that animates all that you do. It’s easy to see how much you love life, even when life is sometimes less than lovable, and that love is always mirrored in your eyes and smile. You are never more beautiful than when that spark ignites and your vitality blazes in your happy face. And, yes, I love your beauty, shallow as that may sound. I love the way the morning sun catches afire in your hair, the way your nostrils move when you breathe deep breaths, the way your tongue slips out of its safe harbor when you think deep thoughts. I love the curve of your cheek, that soft milky canvas for the faint scar you won’t talk about. Your beauty truly takes my breath away. I love the way you trust in me, never quite whole hearted, but always just enough. That trust started as a small seed, I think, a tentative whisper of unearned confidence, often shrouded by a cloak of hesitation and unsurety. I could always tell when you faltered, when the steps we took were uncertain and questioned. And yet still you trusted me, with your secrets, with your feelings, with yourself. You’ll never know how much that trust has meant to me. I love the way you understand me too well. It’s uncanny sometimes how well you know my thoughts, my feelings, my moods, frightening at times how closely our lives have become interlinked. You know so much of me, secrets I’ve never told, thoughts I’ve never shared, parts of me I’ve never seen myself. You’ve discovered a window into my being, a window I didn’t know was there, a window no one else has ever found. It’s almost as if our two souls have merged into one, almost as if the hand of God has repaired that which once was broken. I love the way we have fun doing the strangest things, or the way we can enjoy each other doing nothing at all. We shop and walk, eat and talk, playing games apart and united. We study and drill, work and play, listening to music and singing the words together. We have fun with each other, frolicking in our shared pleasures, you enjoying the thrill of life, me just enjoying you. I’m not blinded by my love, though, and know you are not perfect. You are impatient and easy to anger, too intolerant when you should tolerate, too forgiving when you shouldn’t forgive. You allow the stresses of life to mold your day, allow the commitments of life to shape your way. I know your imperfections as well as your perfections, know your faults as well as your assets. And I find I love you not in spite of those, but as much because of them as anything else. Your life has touched mine. My friendship with you, my love for you, all that you are and aren’t, have changed my life in ways you cannot fathom, in ways I could never describe in depth.  I’m not the same girl I was a year ago. I will never be that girl again. The communication we’ve shared has taught me to value our honest openness, and I know I’ll never be satisfied again with less. Your trust in me has taught me to trust in you, knowing you will never intentionally cause me pain. Your spark of vitality has transformed the way I see life, giving me reason again to live and cause to celebrate. Your beauty, both inner and outer, has renewed the wonder with which I see the world, and has restored my sense of awe. Even the fun we share, that senseless sense of joy, has changed the way I live and think. As much as you’ve altered my present, though, the effect you’ve had on my future is just as great. I once thought I knew what love meant to me, once thought I had experienced all that life had to offer. I lived and I loved, and I hurt and I grew, and I believed I could never love again, could never willingly face the pain of caring. Love was a myth, I thought, and true love, lasting love, was just a lie told by poets. But I was wrong. In learning to love you, I discovered I’ve never loved before. Not truly. Not entirely. Not eternally. I’ve spent much of my life in love with love, searching for the fulfillment of a concept, caring more for caring than caring for another person. I confused lust with love, intimacy with affection. And when those feelings waned, when the relationships died, I wondered why I felt so empty. So hurt. You changed that, as you’ve changed so much else. You taught me how to love. I wish you knew the me of before, as you know so well the me of today, so you could see the difference knowing you has made. You’ve changed my life in so many ways, in ways small and ways important, in ways you’ll never know nor understand. The impact you’ve had on me, on the way I feel and think and act, will endure forever. Until the end of time. Like a quiet breeze blowing softly through the leaves.”

The best things in life …

  • Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.

  • Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.

  • First kisses.

  • Making new friends and spending time with the old ones.

  • Singing in the bathroom.

  • Sweet dreams.

  • Hot chocolate.

  • Making brownies and cookies.

  • Holding hands with someone you care about.

  • Watching the sunrise.

  • Watching a sunset.

  • Sleeping in.

  • Taking long, hot showers.

  • Starbucks.

  • Knowing that somebody misses you.

  • Hearing your favorite song on the radio.

  • Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.

  • Milkshakes.

  • Long conversations late at night.

  • The beach.

  • Running through sprinklers.

  • Laughing at an inside joke.

  • Laughing at yourself.

  • Laughing so hard your stomach hurts.

  • Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.

  • Having someone tell you that you’re beautiful.

  • Friends.

  • Playing with a new puppy.

  • Road trips with friends.

  • Getting out of bed in the morning after sleeping in and looking out the window to see it’s sunny.

Hug me

Your hug makes me safe, away from all the pain, away from all the loneliness, away from this place. Your hug makes me fly away, away to a place full of love, away to a place full of life, away to a place full of light. Your hug makes me live forever, forever to see each day and night, forever to have heaven and earth, forever to touch your body and soul!

Before you …

“Before you, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars-points of light and reason…and then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I coudn’t see stars anymore. And there was no reason for anything…”

~ Edward Cullen

I wish …

“Sometimes I wish we could talk forever
Because it’s the only time when we’re together
Yeah, we’re always in each other’s hearts
But it’s so hard when we’re miles apart
I miss the look you’d give me when I’d tease
And your arm around me when I was going to freeze
I miss sitting with you and watching TV
And even the sneaky way you’d tickle me
I miss how you made fun of me all the time
Then gave me a look that made everything fine
I miss looking at the stars with you by my side
And how I knew you’d be there if ever I cried
These are all the things that I truly long for
But they heal my heart when it’s becoming sore
Do you ever wonder if this will really work out
I sure do, when I’m having strong doubts
But then I think about everything that you are
I know I couldn’t wish for more on a glittering star
This love and my unfading memories draw me to you
And they shatter the doubts because they’re so true…”

Cassie Bernall

“I just try not to contradict myself, to get rid of the hypocrisy and just live for Christ,” she said.

She was one of many victims in a high school shooting in Littleton, Colorado. But I feel Cassie’s story is a bit different. Cassie can be considered a modern day martyr. Many witnesses testify that the murderer asked her just moments before she died, if she believed in God. Witnesses state she hesitated and replied, “Yes, I believe in God, and you need to follow His path.” The gunman shot her immediately in a way that put her instantly with God. This young girl’s faith in God cost her the earthly life she had lived for 17 years. However, it gave her the reward of eternal life!

Cassie’s father related to People magazine, “There was a reason Cassie died, and that was because she loved the Lord. This is what Cassie was being prepared for. This was her mission.”

On the night of her death, Cassie’s brother Chris found a poem she had written two days before the massacre. It read:

… Now I have given up everything else

I have found it to be the only way

To really know Christ and to experience

The mighty power that brought

Him back to life again, and to find

Out what it means to suffer and to

Die with him. So, whatever it takes

I will be one who lives in the fresh

Newness of life of those who are

Alive from the dead …

Cassie Bernall (November 6, 1981 – April 20, 1999)

There’s a time for everything …

There’s a time to love and a time to stop loving.

There’s a time to go and a time to wait.

There’s a time to follow and a time to lead.

There’s a time to heal and a time to bleed.

There’s a time to smile and a time to frown.

There’s a time to build and a time to tear down.

There’s a time to give and a time to receive.

There’s a time to question and a time to believe.

There’s a time to stand and a time to leap.

There’s a time to plant and a time to reap.

There’s a time to win and a time to lose.

There’s a time to fear and a time to choose.

There’s a time to weep and a time to laugh.

There’s a time to mourn and a time to dance.

There’s a time to land and a time to fly.

There’s a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them.

There’s a time to embrace and a time to refrain.

There’s a time to search and a time to give up.

There’s a time to keep and a time to throw away a time to tear and a time to mend.

There’s a time to be silent and a time to speak.

There’s a time to live and a time to die.

Everything has its own time, and there is a specific time for every activity under heaven.